


Still Here

by Dreameko



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: After infinity war, Grief, Iron Dad, Nightmares, Songfic, inspired by the song "Still Here" by The digital daggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 17:41:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15935204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreameko/pseuds/Dreameko
Summary: Tony is haunted after the events of Infinity war.--Based off the song ‘Still here’ by Digital Daggers





	Still Here

**Author's Note:**

> The first fanfic I've ever wrote.Decided to post it here as well.

_Musing through memories_  
_Losing my grip in the grey_

It was peaceful, an afternoon like many others. Tony and Peter were in the lab, each working on their own little thing. Tony was tinkering with a new project while Peter was sitting on his desk solving his assigned math problems. There wasn't any exchange of words between them but there didn't need to be. They were just silently enjoying each other's company. These serene moments they spent together were rather uneventful but Tony wouldn't trade them for the world.

He looked up from where he was working and a gentle smile crossed his lips when his eyes fell on the teen who was doing his homework ever so diligently. The mechanic watched as Peter chewed the tip of his pen and his brows furrowed in deep thought and then the kid's eyes immediately lit up when he figured out the solution to the problem, excitedly writing it down. Tony felt the warm feeling of pride spread through his chest. How did he end up mentoring such a good kid?When did they even manage to become this close?  
  
Whether Tony liked it or not ,Peter had successfully found a perpetual place to his heart along with the few select people he had let in and truly cared about. Pepper, Rhodey, Happy. But unlike them the love he felt for the kid was different .A new type of love he had never experienced before. A parental, fatherly love.The love his own father had denied him. Whenever he looked at the teen he was overcome with a strong need to protect, guide and preserve. Peter's pain was his pain. Peter's happiness was his happiness. The kid had planted his roots deep within the ironclad hero's heart. It immensely terrified Tony but also made him feel content somehow.

A hungry stomach growl that was noticeable audible in the silence that was cloaking the room interrupted the billionaire's thoughts. Peter clutched his stomach and looked at his mentor, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Tony let out a chuckle.

"OK, I'll take that as a sign for us to take a break. Let's order something to eat, kid. Pizza?"  
"Yeah,sure Mr.Stark" the teen sheepishly complied and got up from his sit to follow his mentor as they started to exit the lab.  
"What do you want for toppings spider-ling?Please don't tell me you're one of those people that like pineapple on their pizza. I'll have to disown you my protege if you say yes."  
"Hey, I'll have you know Hawaiian pizza's great!"  
"You're killing here me kid! I'll tell you what.Why don't we try every kind of topping?Let's have a pizza night!"  
"Yay!I've always wanted to try anchovies!" Peter grinned.  
"Seriously ,kid you have no taste, "Tony cackled.After a few steps, he noticed the kid was no longer following.He turned around to see the kid a few feet away from him looking white as a sheet,smile gone from his face.His eyes were filled with fear and dread.Tony felt his heart racing.Something was wrong.Very,very wrong.

"Kid?" he wanted not to sound worried but he couldn't help the little tremble in his voice.Peter wrapped his arms around himself protectively and then his whole body started to shake.

"Mr.Stark I don't feel so good"

  
_Numbing the senses_  
_I feel you slipping away_

Something familiar washed over Tony. Something he wanted to forget. Something he had shoved to an abandoned shelf in the back of his subconscious mind.No, no, no, no, no, no!

"What's wrong kid?" he tried to continue unnerved wanting to deny this reality. Peter raised his hands to reveal grey specks of dust leaving them. Something Tony never wanted to see ever again.  
_Ashes.Ashes.Ashes._

"I don't...I don't know what's happening...I don't..."his voice quivered.He was scared. He was just a kid after all. Just a kid!  
_Save me.Save me._  
  
_Fighting to hold on_  
_Clinging to just one more day_

The scenery changed and they were no longer in the compound. They were at that damned place again. At that damned planet. Titan.

And then he remembered.The memories cascaded like a waterfall, drowning him in despair. Arms wrapped tightly around him ,the kid holding onto him for his dear life.  
And he begged.And begged.And begged.And Tony couldn't do anything.  
_'I don't wanna go.I don't wanna go.Sir,please, please I don't wanna go.'_

This time Peter hadn't fallen into his arms though. He was standing in front of him shaking and slowly disappearing. Tony couldn't move. His heart was thumping madly against his ribcage and he suddenly forgot how to breathe.

"Peter..."his voice came out as a choked whisper and the fading boy stared at him, his expression shifting abruptly. All of a sudden his fearful eyes turned apathetic and his face became emotionless. The unexpected change made Tony shiver. Peter was deathly pale now with traces of ash flying all around him and Tony believed for a moment he was viewing a ghost. A phantom.

"You let me die," Peter said in a monotone voice and Tony heard everything within him break.

"No...no..."  
"Why didn't you save me Mr.Stark? You were my hero."  
"No...kid I-"  
"You were supposed to make things right.You always make things right.So why didn't you save me?"  
"No stop..."  
"You let me die!"  
"Peter I'm-" _I'm sorry_ ,the kid's final words.  
"Why?"

_Love turns to ashes_  
_With all that I wish I could say_

Peter was crumbling, fading away into nothingness and Tony leaped towards him in a vain attempt to catch him. His hands caught air and before he knew it Peter was gone. He fell onto the pile of ashes and curled his hands into fists as dirt crept under his fingernails.He kneeled over the mound and looked at his ashen hands as tears escaped his eyes, falling down into the heap mingling with the dust.Tony let out a strangled sob.

"Kid , I'm so sorry" the hero cried"I'm so fucking sorry!"  
_'This is my fault.My fault.'_  
He never got to tell the kid how much he meant to him.He didn't tell him how much he loved him. _'Just like my father'_ he bitterly thought. _'He took him away.He took him away.'_ Bright,kind-hearted,brave, ray of sunshine Peter,gone,ripped away from this world just like that.' _He took my kid away.'_

"Peter..." he was just a kid.Just a kid.My kid!

"Give him back..."the universe remained silent.  
"Give him back!"his scream echoed into nothingness.  
Tony lifted his right fist and started pounding at the ashen ground,repeatedly.  
"GIVE HIM BACK! GIVE HIM BACK! GIVE HIM BACK! GIVE MY KID BACK!"

_I'd die to be where you are_  
_I tried to be where you are_

_'Take me instead! Take me! Take me! Why won't you fucking take me!Just please, let my kid live. Let me die instead.'_  
But as much as Tony pleaded the universe didn't respond.It just stared at him through the abyss,observing him quietly. Peter had planted his roots deep within Tony's heart and Thanos had torn him out just like that. Like he was some kind of unwanted weed and not an important piece that kept his heart from falling apart.  
And all Tony could do now was hurt and bleed. And so he bled.And bled.And bled.  
And he screamed.And screamed.And screamed.

_Every night, I dream you're still here_  
_The ghost by my side, so perfectly clear_

"Tony! Tony! Wake up!" Tony's eyes snapped open as he woke up with a jolt. His gaze met his best friend's worried one. Rhodey was holding him by the shoulders, steadying his shaking form, as the mechanic's erratic breathing began to find its normal rhythm.

"Rhodes?" Tony breathed out and Rhodey gave him a sympathetic smile.  
"Yeah,Tones it's me.Are you OK there?You really had me worried this time.I heard you scream so I came here as fast as I good."

Tony looked around his room in a daze.He was at the compound.He had a dream about the kid again.Another nightmare.He rubbed his eyes as he sighed and tried to hold back a sob.  
"Are you alright Tones?"  
"No," the iron hero for once answered sincerely,letting his iron fort tumble exposing his vulnerable self.He was too tired to hide anymore.  
"I dreamed about him again" Rhodey didn't say a word and let his friend continue."I saw him again.Whenever I close my eyes he is always there. The kid is always there. The kid..." _My kid!_ "Peter..."  
  
_When I awake, you'll disappear_  
_Back to the shadows_  
_With all I hold dear_  
_With all I hold dear_

"...And then I wake up and he's..." he is not here. He's gone.Gone! Gone! Gone! He couldn't stop his tears anymore. He lifted his head to look at the other man as they freely flowed down his hollow face.

"Oh God Rhodey he is gone.He is gone! My kid..."the older hero pulled Tony into his arms as he broke down,engulfing him into a tight embrace and running soothing circles on his back.Rhodey felt his own heart constrict with pain. He'd come to be fond of the kid just like everyone who met him and he knew how important Peter was to his friend. Ever since Tony had returned from space without him, he just wasn't the same.

"It's going to be OK, Tony. It's going to be OK."

_Lies.It isn't going to be OK.Things will never be OK._  
He lost his kid. An empty spot in his heart that would never be filled. A wound that would never be healed. A never-ending ache.  
His kid was gone.  
Peter was gone.  
And yet he still haunted his dreams like a phantom.A phantom that stayed in his heart.A phantom that still remained here.

_I dream you're still here_  
_I dream you're still here_


End file.
